I was going through a lot at this point of my life, mostly due to the fact that my father was diagnosed with colon cancer in the late part of 2013. I was still struggling to figure out what I wanted to do with my life, though, this is something I’m still dealing with even today.

I always felt harshly judged by my father. As far as I could remember, I was always being yelled at. Being told I was stupid. That I never did anything right. Whenever I tried to help at home, something was always wrong. So I stopped helping, which made things worse. At school, I was always struggling to understand, which made him upset, so I stopped trying, which made things worse. I knew I was capable of more, but his words always made me give up. Sometimes my teachers would add to this, and sometimes even my friends added to this as well. I always felt inadequate.

I was in 2nd grade when “Treasure Planet” hit theaters. For a school field trip, we went and saw it not just at any theater. We saw it on an IMAX screen, which as a kid, just simply being in that room with that towering screen was some what frightening, but all the more enchanting. I was immersed into that film even more so than I would have at just any ordinary screening, and it changed my life forever. I related to Jim. Though I still had my father around, it still felt like he wasn’t. Living day in and day out, just trying to make him proud, only to be shunned for every little thing (though for Jim, the shunning was not necessarily from his own father, but you get the idea). Every night, I’d often look up into the stars, staring at the moon, just praying that I had a purpose in life. Wondering if I’d ever feel like I belonged. Jim felt that too, and watching him go through that, only to finally find that grand journey to free himself in search of what his purpose is, inspired me. He no longer was the one dreaming of traveling to space, he was actually there. Soaring across the galaxy. I wanted that deeply.

When this song played during the film, I never forgot it. This song, and the scene that accompanied it, encouraged me so greatly, that to this day, any time I feel these same old childhood insecurities, I’m lifted right back up. I still wonder though, when will it be my turn to leave this Montressor, in search for my own Treasure Planet? I’m 25 now, and I still haven’t embarked on that journey, at least, it doesn’t feel like I have. Only time will tell, but until then, I’m Still Here~ 💙