Week of 7/31/2016

"Jesus He Knows Me" by Genesis, off of their 1992 album, "We Can't Dance"

If you wanna get closer to Him
Get on your knees and start paying...

These churches are all the same. You think you find a good one, and then they turn and start molding the gospel to fit their financial narrative. "Fearless" is the name of my church’s current sermon series. The whole thing is to be a “fearless” giver, so they can make a bigger building. I come to find out they’re in mountains of debt from the other buildings at a staff meeting I attended. Why do they insist on saying it’s “God’s will” for them to get this bigger building when they’re already in so much debt? I dunno. I can’t help but feel this isn’t the best way to use the congregation’s money when there is literally those without a home who could use those funds, but who am I to say anything. I'm just the janitor...

Retrospective Note 2023: I really was struggling with the church at this time, and this particular situation would be the moment that would radicalize me. Hearing first hand what this church's priorities were, had me gobsmacked. Most people reading this would probably say, "yeah, you were surprised?" Yeah, I really was. It's sad to say, but when you grew up in the church, you most likely only saw the side that the church WANTED you to see, which was the illusion of good will and perfect presentation. I was excited when I got hired to be a janitor at this particular church, but the funny thing about doing that kind of work, is getting to deal with a place's dirty laundry, and I mean that in every meaning of the phrase.

I was naïve to it at first, but over time, things would be revealed to me that had me feeling horrible inside. I'd be a part of meetings like the one mentioned above where money was the sole focus, and it wasn't for the sake of helping the hurting communities around us. It was always about getting their butts out of a bad financial situation, that they'd only further make worse by investing into this bigger building. They'd send people away who needed help during the day since it wasn't "church hours". They'd mistreat me due to my spot on the totem pole as the lowly janitor, and worse yet in terms of my experience, they'd fire the man who got me that job in the first place, simply because we couldn't keep up with the work load that would be sprung upon us once they commissioned this bigger building.

That man's name was Harvey, a man who had dedicated his time, blood, sweat, and tears toward maintaining their many campuses since 2000, only to be fired after a gross ultimatum sent by one of the lead pastors, that would be impossible to live up to with just the two of us. I managed to find a way to keep my job since I needed the work, but it wasn't long before I'd eventually leave by my own accord. I couldn't stand that place any longer. I still mourn over it sometimes. The community I once experienced. The love I once felt from that place. The many nights I'd spend cleaning that church while empty, as I worshiped, prayed, listened to music, or got creative. I'd pray over each and every seat, and ask God to bless the work I had done in hopes that people would feel peace the minute they walked in. Those moments were real. I LOVED that place. It was my home away from home.

The good thing about all this, is how seeing all this radicalized me in so many ways. I have zero tolerance for people who claim Christ's love, only to hurt those in need by withholding their love or their money. So many well off "Christians" or churches who won't help the needy, refuse to fight for human rights, or have little to no care about the world outside their stained-glass windowed façade. I'm over it.